


Apprehensions

by little Alex (litalex)



Series: Fool's Errand [2]
Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-03-29
Updated: 2000-03-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 21:58:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litalex/pseuds/little%20Alex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine. Rather, they belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, WB, and various people and companies I can't remember at the moment. Lucky bastards.</p>
<p>Spoiler: Everything and anything up to "The Ring," season one</p>
<p>Feedback: Yes, please!</p>
<p>Personal Notes: Thanks to Charles for beta-ing. All remaining mistakes are mine.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Apprehensions

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The boys aren't mine. Rather, they belong to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, Mutant Enemy, WB, and various people and companies I can't remember at the moment. Lucky bastards.
> 
> Spoiler: Everything and anything up to "The Ring," season one
> 
> Feedback: Yes, please!
> 
> Personal Notes: Thanks to Charles for beta-ing. All remaining mistakes are mine.

The sun was shining high in the sky, brightly and cheerily. Angel glanced up, basking in the sunlight. It warmed his body and heart,  
and he smiled. He had not seen the sun for a long time; he knew that, but how or why he could not remember. Then a tantalizing scent snaked into his nostrils and the sun disappeared. Hunger, in the form of icy darkness, invaded his body, taking over his limbs one by one. Now he was starving and cold, so very cold. That was normal, however; that was the proper state of things. He craved warmth and peace but knew that it could not be.

A slip of heat wound around him and the scent grew even more enticing. He opened his mouth to bite, but something inside him would not permit the action. He could satisfy his other needs, though, and so, he burrowed deeper into the warmth. It was not as strong as the sun, but it would do. He drew closer to the source of heat and discovered it to be resiliently solid. His hazy mind shook itself awake and he blinked his eyes open. His body was draped over a pair of long, graceful legs, whose owner was stroking Angel's hair. Still blinking, Angel raised his body and met the gaze from a pair of reserved gray eyes.

'Wesley,' he mouthed the two syllables silently. The word felt right in his mouth and mind, but he did not want to voice it. Wesley smiled and put a pair of strong arms around him, the smile carelessly arrogant. Even though he had spent only a few nights with Wesley, Angel already knew the extent of the young man's talents. He supposed he could not blame Wesley for being proud of his chiseled features and effortless skills.

Pressing a kiss to Angel's mouth, Wesley seemed willing to demonstrate his talents once more. Angel allowed Wesley to straddle his hips and push him down onto the bed again. Wesley kissed various spots on Angel's chest and then his mouth landed on the right nipple unerringly. Massaging the brown nub with his tongue, Wesley sucked on it, his teeth scraping slowly across flesh to close gently on the nipple. Wesley nipped at the small point of flesh softly and lightly, but lavished enough time and attention that Angel growled.

After a sighing kiss to Angel's skin, Wesley pulled his mouth away and spent an equal amount of time and care to the other pebbled nub, his fingers still pinching and playing with the recently freed nipple. Wesley opened his hand and palmed the vampire's pectoral muscle, his tongue slowly tracing a wet trail down Angel's torso. Angel snaked his arms around Wesley's shoulders and stroked his thumbs across whatever expanse of skin he could touch. Wesley shrugged off the touch easily and dipped his tongue into Angel's navel. After a little lick on Angel's abdomen, Wesley placed a kiss on the already dripping tip of the vampire's organ.

Angel breathed a sigh as Wesley engulfed his member. Wesley's mouth was warm and wet, so very warm. His hands stroking Wesley's hair, he thrust his hips in a smooth rhythm and was reminded once again of how good the young man was at this task. Angel truly did not want to know where Wesley had obtained his abilities. The Watcher Academy would hardly teach its promising students lessons on sex. How many men had Wesley slept with so that he had expertise more befitting a whore than a scholar? Just then, Wesley scraped his teeth lightly across the root of Angel's cock and the vampire's hands closed on the ears beneath them.

Wesley released Angel's solid flesh from his mouth, shaking off the vampire's hands. Rubbing one of his ears, Wesley glared at Angel until the older man murmured an apology. Then Wesley slipped off the bed and out of the room without further words. Angel stared after Wesley, wondering where the naked gray-eyed man was going. Moments later, Wesley walked back into the room, a small tube of something in his right hand.

Wesley threw the bottle of Astroglide onto the nightstand and climbed back onto the bed. Angel shot Wesley a crooked smile as the young man straddled the vampire's hips again. His mouth a grim line, Wesley silently squeezed a small dose of the lube into his hand and applied it onto Angel's organ. The grease was cold, but no colder than Angel himself. Still apprehensive, Angel watched as Wesley casually shifted forward until he was straddling the vampire's waist rather than hips.

Angel bent his legs, knowing what Wesley wanted and how he wanted it. A hand on the vampire's shoulder, Wesley reached his other hand backward and grasped Angel's member. His breathing fast but still regular, Wesley slowly impaled himself on Angel's cock. Angel tried discerning Wesley's deeper thoughts by looking into the handsome face, but the young man kept his face blank and his eyes closed. Wesley's eyebrows were knitted tightly together, but it could be nothing more than necessary concentration as Angel's organ slipped deeper into the wirily muscled body. Inch by inch, Wesley pressed down until the whole of Angel's member was inside him.

Angel felt as if he might explode or spontaneously combust just from the heat of a mortal body alone. He did not know how Wesley could stand having such cold flesh inside him. The contrast must have been shocking, but that might have been why Wesley decided to share Angel's bed in the first place. Maybe Wesley liked the novelty of sleeping with a vampire, Angel ventured a guess, still not able to fathom the reasons behind the mortal's generous offer of intimacy. Then, as Wesley began to thrust his pelvis in an easy, controlled pace, Angel added another possibility. Maybe Wesley just liked having sex, period, because if the loud moans and little exclamations of curse words were to be judged, the gray-eyed man was certainly enjoying the use of Angel's cock.

Use. Now that was exactly why the uneasiness in Angel was so glaring. Angel felt somewhat used. Wesley had not shown one shred of emotion after their first night together, the night that Angel helped Kate in killing Penn. His body wallowing in pleasure, Angel allowed his mind to drift back to the events of that particular night.

After the whole incident, he was exhausted enough that his control was slipping, Angelus precariously close to surface. When the luscious rogue demon hunter tripped over some pieces of furniture, Angel had helped the young man up and planted a kiss on Wesley's lips. Shocked by his own reckless behavior, Angel had immediately pulled back and started apologizing. That was, until Wesley wrapped his body around the vampire's comparatively cool flesh and kissed Angel back with surprising deftness, much like he was doing now.

Angel abandoned his contemplation of the past and, his grip on Wesley's pelvis so strong that he definitely would leave bruises, rolled the Englishman under his own body. He plunged his tongue into the sweetly supple mouth, tasting the residues of his own essence, which was left there hours ago by their first round of sex tonight. He could almost distinguish a certain metallic tang out of the usual array of amino acids that constituted ejaculate. Wesley then moaned and tightened the secure hold of his arms around Angel's waist, again chasing away his troubling thoughts.

A tight smile graced Angel's lips and his jabs turned deeper and faster, pushing his pleasure to the peak. So close was Angel to the edge that he finally stopped the rough rhythm all together and held still. The mortal's eyes snapped open and then narrowed, Wesley himself shifting back to gain more leverage. Wesley dropped his arms from Angel's body and gripped the sheets. His smile colder than Angel's body temperature, Wesley thrust up, squeezing and releasing his internal muscles a few times.

Angel fell willingly over the cliff and climaxed into the warm body, riding out the last few thrusts silently. He then pulled out of Wesley, allowing the mortal's legs to fall back onto the mattress, the Englishman's member still half hard against Angel's groin. Wesley tried turning away, but Angel pressed in, using his heavier weight to hold the ex-Watcher in place.

Wesley ceased his movements and his eyes grew hard. "What?"

Briefly admiring the mortal's ability to pack so high an amount of disdain in one single word, Angel only sighed, closed his hand around Wesley's shaft, and tightened his grip softly. His gaze steady, Wesley remained still, neither consenting nor refusing. Angel stroked his hand up and down the organ several times and shifted down the bed until the semi-hard cock was directly in front of his nose.

Mouthing the leaking tip, Angel licked on the little slit, gathering up the moisture -- salty, bitter, exactly as a mortal's pre-ejaculate should be. Twirling his tongue around the head, he grasped his hand around the base of the organ and squeezed lightly, earning himself a soft gasp. He closed his eyes, sucked the warm flesh into his mouth, and felt it become fully erect again. A pair of fine-boned hands wound themselves into his hair, almost gripping the strands but not quite. As he maintained the suction, the hands traced symmetrical lines from his hair, past his ears, and onto his shoulders. Then Wesley traced the same lines back up again and abruptly gripped Angel's face tightly.

Almost snarling, Angel struggled to keep on his human mask. He usually vamped out when too tightly held, a piece of information Wesley most definitely knew, which was, Angel presumed, the reason that the mortal kept tempting him. Did Wesley want to be turned into a vampire? Angel did not know, did not want to know, but he would never turn Wesley, or anyone else for that matter, in the coming eternity. His own hands closing over Wesley's, Angel forced the younger man's grip down onto his shoulders before continuing the suckling.

Gripping Angel's shoulders, Wesley drove his cock into the vampire's mouth repeatedly, forgoing his pretense at passivity. Angel shifted his head back, widening his mouth and throat, accommodating easily. Wesley actually made a passable top when the former Watcher wanted to, but the younger man rarely did. In the back of his mind, Angel had now and then wondered why, but he never truly cared until now. Gauging Wesley's thoughts had taken up more and more of his leisure time, it seemed. He would like to know what Wesley was thinking, if only to satisfy his own curiosity.

Noting wryly that not needing oxygen certainly had its advantages, he slowly swallowed more of Wesley's member down his throat until his nose touched the young man's dark curls, which naturally carried the faint scent of soap, due to Wesley's fastidiousness. Angel had supposed that it was a habit leftover from Wesley's public school days and never commented on it. Soap smelled much better than a lot of alternatives he could think of right now. He shrugged off that train of thought immediately, considering how unproductive it was to arousal, and simply sucked harder, cupping Wesley's sac with his hand.

Wesley gasped out another moan and Angel could feel the scrotum in his hand draw tight. Knowing that his bedmate would climax any moment now, he deep-throated Wesley and the young man shot his seed down Angel's throat, his grip still bruising the vampire's shoulders. When the last spurts died down, Angel quietly released the cock from his mouth and looked up, only to see Wesley's guarded expression. He shifted back up and kissed the lightly pink lips, parting them with his tongue. Wesley blinked his eyes open again and ran a hand through Angel's hair. Pulling away from the kiss, Wesley again held the vampire's face in his hands and touched his forehead to Angel's.

Angel cupped Wesley's cheek with his palm and looked into the young man's eyes. They maintained their positions for minutes, both faces blank and both bodies motionless. Wesley then closed his eyes and slid down the mattress, laying his head on Angel's shoulder. His arms around the warm and youthful body, Angel listened to Wesley's slow inhales and exhales of breaths as they slowly evened out and he knew that the Englishman had drifted into slumber. Angel wanted to sleep as well, but knew that he would not.

Kate had once called him the "brooding man of mystery" and he had accepted the title without protest. But Wesley seemed to fit that label much better. After however many nights with the Wesley, Angel was still asking, "Why?" He could attribute their first night to surrounding circumstances, but their continual sessions defied that simple explanation. He cared for Wesley, that much was certain, maybe even loved him. No, not the overwhelming, complete and total love he felt for Buffy, but that type of love came once in a lifetime, several lifetimes. And he could not stay with her, would not stay with her, not when the price was so high.

Which brought him back to the beautiful man snoring lightly in his arms right now. What did Wesley get out of their little 'arrangement'? He never pegged Wesley for the kind who liked casual sex, but as the young man had demonstrated again and again, he most certainly had countless experiences, even more than Angel had. And Angel had many more years than Wesley to gather those experiences. So, it was not pure lust, for Wesley could satisfy that particular need in numerous other places than Angel's bed. Love, then?

Angel snorted. Just because the Slayer was foolish enough to fall in love with him did not mean anyone else would. He was handsome, yes, and he would even venture to call himself intelligent, but those were the two good qualities he ever had. As a human, he, as his father accurately accused, did not amount to anything. Despite his popularity amongst the pretty girls in his native village, a womanizing drunkard was hardly anyone's dream lover. He did have an extremely impressive career as a vampire, but those evil, horrid deeds he refused to put on his resume. Souled or no, he remained in his nature a killer, a hunter.

No matter how many good deeds he committed now, he could never atone his guilt or repent for his sins enough because he, by instinct, was a *thing* that preyed on humans and enjoyed it to no ends. Each moment beside humans, beside those delicious morsels of flesh, was a torture: craving their sweet, succulent blood, that self-designated forbidden fruit. He hungered not only to fuck Wesley, he also longed to conquer the beautiful young man, mark him, brutalize him. Rip open that smooth silky skin and down that hot, wet gush of blood. He shuddered and clasped Wesley tighter to his chest. His wants were very much a part of him, as much a part as the gentle tenderness he held in his un-beating heart for Wesley.

No, Wesley did not love him. Wesley probably just did not have the time or energy to seek out other bedmates and, therefore, picked the closest target. What did it matter that Angel approached Wesley first? All the more convenient for Wesley, then. Maybe the skillful Englishman pitied Angel, including the vampire's obvious lack of lovers, and decided to donate himself and his services to a charitable cause; a not unpleasant mean to a noble end. Or, perhaps, Wesley just felt like fucking someone. Who knew? Angel refused to guess anymore. He did not dare imagine the alternative: that maybe, *maybe*, Wesley did love him.

He could not knowingly put another person through the torture he forced Buffy into. Having seen the results of that particular relationship, he could never stand watching another unending flow of tears. The pain he caused Buffy was unforgivable and would probably never be forgiven. His hands still full of blood, he had enough on his conscience. Wesley's heart would have to remain the younger man's, no matter how much Angel wanted to accept it.

So, no, what they had was a close friendship that included the intimacy of sex, as many friendships between 'gay' men did. No, he did not love the English young man who had heart-wrenchingly expressive gray eyes. And even if he did, Wesley did not love him. There. If he said it enough, he might actually believe it.

No, Wesley could never love him.

/~~finis~~/


End file.
